The Will of God

Sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor.  Matthew 19:21

Lord, you had to strip away all the things I thought made me me!! I have been grieving the loss of who I thought I was before I got sick. I thought I was a reader, a dancer, a horseback rider, a yogi, a gym rat, a Program Manager (the boss), a Physicaln Therapist Assistant, I thought I was a strong, tough girl who could do anything I put my mind to. But it’s not what I put my mind to, it’s what I do to follow Your will!!!

I was refusing to follow Your will, I was following mine. It was all about me. I and me. Those words had to be taken from my vocabulary before You could use me. I had to be stripped bare before you. I could hold onto nothing that made me feel independent. For my independence was from you.

Lord, forgive me. I finally see it. I finally see what you were doing for me. I needed to be broken before I could be made beautiful again. Help me to stop associating my sense of worth with a career, with worldly accomplishments, with fun activities, even with being a mother, a grandmother, or a wife. That is not who I am, I am your child Abba Daddy. I am yours!!

I am a new being. I will stop looking backwards and hoping to heal and return to those activities, as if they are what make me. My only reason to heal is to be a servant of the One, True God…Adonai. Adonai-Tzva’ot. I worship you in spirit and in truth. And I finally, completely, am able to freely give all of me. I have said the words before, but I was never free to do them. My chains that shackled me to this world are broken in Yeshua’s name!! I am set free, and I am free indeed.

Thank you, thank you for pruning me all these years, just so I could get to this point of understanding. You are all i need Jesus. You are everything.

Oswald Chambers says of this scripture: “I must detach myself from my possessions, rather than suppressing my sense of property.”

“The battle is fought in the domain of the will before God; it is not fought in external things at all.”

“You can be so rich in poverty, in the consciousness of being nobody, or of being somebody, that you never become a disciple.” It is not just the sense of having too many possessions. Many take this too literally.

“It is not in the giving up of outside things, but making yourself destitute to yourself, and that is where the discouragement comes in.” [Emphasis added by me]